One thing we all need to deal with occasionally is the insecurity we have as a result of a particular childhood or teenage experience. There’s one lesson I learned today from battling with my insecurity and it’s this: No matter what happened in my childhood that affected me, helped create the belief systems I have about myself and the world, and shaped me into the person I am, something else happened to somebody else that did exactly the same thing. And it will happen for every child, forever.
After a day of talking and writing to understand my insecurity, I’ve realised that who I am now is what is most important. If that particular issue hadn’t existed in my childhood, something else would have.
Dealing with this particular issue was made worse by the feeling that it was being inflicted upon me at the time on purpose. That even while knowing it was hurting me, it was done again and again – and that the person doing it didn’t care about me enough to stop what they were doing.
Looking back now I can see that the issue had nothing to do with me. It wasn’t directed towards me. I made it a part of my life story, because it needed to be, so it could create the reality I would live. Maybe the future was telling me to make it a apart of my life story because it would need it for later. I wouldn’t change a thing about my present life, now. I wouldn’t jeopardise my present life by wishing that my past was different, either.
What I’ve realised is this: the incidents we all have in our childhood, shape the child and their life-path that they are supposed to travel. They have chosen us as parents, just like I chose my parents and love them unconditionally for every aspect of them and their uniqueness. My parents made up for any small issue a million times by being the exceptional parents they were, in ways other children didn’t get to experience.
My experiences were completely unique to my life. What an exceptional privilege.
I’m talking to myself here as much as I’m talking to anyone else who reads this: “Go easy on yourself, when it comes to berating yourself for the occasional thing you do that’s not in line with your parenting style. There will definitely be a small issue that your child looks back on that they feel hurt by. But it is overpowered by the greatness of your love and your everyday efforts to raise them safely.”
I never agree when others say, ‘We are only human,’ because I don’t believe we ARE ONLY human, anymore. I like to say, instead, ‘We are incredibly human.’ All that comes with this experience of human life is a unique and remarkable blessing.
We are human, we are perfect, and we are enough.
We are respected, we are loved, and we are safe.
We are divine, we are glorious, and we are love.
Day by day we aim to repair our bodies and have trust, faith and optimism for the future. You can join me as I walk to wellness in the private facebook group Joanna Haley Homestead (Journey to Wellness)
Joanna Haley, Author